Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
