I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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