you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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