I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
