shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
