it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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