i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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