i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
