Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
