went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
