I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
