Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
