Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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