My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
