We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
