He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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