At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
