Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize