Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
