he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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