if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
