I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
