We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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