I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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