508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
