upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
