i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
