Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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