I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
