In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
