guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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