we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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