you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
