Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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