can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
