a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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