He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
