I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
