i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
