There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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