dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
