Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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