What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
