Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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