I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
