i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
