If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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