i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ok first of all what the fuck
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
