i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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