We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
