I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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