he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
