I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
