hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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