felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
