I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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