They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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