who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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