Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
