be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
