Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
