I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
