oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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