bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
